In a world filled with rapid-fire exchanges and sudden ups and downs, deep communication can feel elusive, yet it is essential for building meaningful relationships, navigating conflicts, and fostering understanding across differences. It has perhaps never been more important. Developing wide-ranging communication skills means connecting on levels beyond words: it’s about creating space, listening without assumptions, and truly seeing and respecting others.
1. Understanding Your Communication Style
Identifying your own communication style is a good first step toward awareness. Each person’s way of engaging reflects a blend of temperament, past experiences, and underlying needs. Learning about different styles helps us see beyond our own lens, so we can better relate to others—even those whose styles initially clash with our own.
If you’d like to learn more about how to identify your communication style, explore this Learning Resource on Communication Styles, which provides insights into the different ways people connect, from assertive to reflective styles. This may sound familiar to those who have taken MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction). Knowing your own tendencies can enhance your ability to adapt and empathize with others’ approaches, enabling you to bring awareness and compassion to your conversations, even when they are challenging.
2. Practicing Self-Reflection
Self-awareness is central to cultivating communication skills that go beyond surface interactions. When we reflect on our own responses and reactions, we gain insights that allow us to listen more deeply to others. Consider setting aside time each week to engage in a reflective practice that looks at how you communicate. You might journal on questions like: What words or phrases trigger you? When do you feel heard or not heard?
For support in such reflection, check out this Field Guide to Right Speech from two of my IMS colleagues. Here, nonviolent communication (NVC) is presented through a Buddhist lens, making it especially relevant for those who seek a compassionate, wisdom-based approach to dialogue. NVC, as pioneered by Marshall Rosenberg, encourages us to look beyond reactive words and focus instead on underlying needs and feelings. This shift in focus allows time for responses that come from empathy and clarity, helping conversations move from conflict to connection.
3. Participating in Current Research
Another valuable way to expand your communication skills is by participating in research that explores how we connect and relate. Research studies often include exercises that help participants become more aware of their habits and patterns of communication. Plus, your involvement contributes to a growing body of knowledge on what works (and doesn’t) in fostering real understanding. If you’re interested, consider joining this study from some of my Brown colleagues, which examines communication habits and strong emotions. If you fit the criteria, your participation can deepen your awareness and broaden your understanding of how scientific perspectives on communication align with or challenge your own direct experiences in lived communications.
Taking the Next Steps
Building wide and deep communication skills takes time, intention, and practice. By starting with self-reflection, gaining awareness of your communication style, and applying practices from the contemplative traditions, you can grow a more nuanced, compassionate approach to each conversation.
If you are a Middle Path Healing Arts member, this downloadable handout on Speaking Compassionately may also be of interest and support. And, if you aren’t a member yet, go here to join. Our free community sessions on Tuesdays and Saturdays also offer a tremendous live online place to practice and embody the ideas shared above.